Chapter 14: Embryo #4!!

Hiii

I am writing this on day 9 after my embryo transfer. This is labeled Embryo Transfer #4 even thought technically it is my 3rd transfer. I prepped and journaled for a 3rd transfer, but Joe and I were not ready, and we decided to pull back and wait. So while this is only the third embryo I have implanted, I am calling it our fourth! Emotionally I still went through the prep of the third and it took a toll on me. 

This one has been so different. God has given me a blanket of peace. I have let go of most (not all) fear and anxiety leading into this round. I was pretty upset after we pulled out of my last transfer. I was also having estrogen withdraw and went through a mild depression. But I was so proud of Joe for telling me his honest feelings. We were building a new home, he was starting a new job, and we haven’t had any professional babysitting help for Jake to this day. He was overwhelmed and he was brave to tell me. Waiting another year ended up being the best thing we ever did. We really were able to enjoy every moment of finally moving into our home. We were jumping in the lake and running around with Jake and drinking wine during almost every sunset. We traveled to Italy for our 10 year anniversary and we also went skiing in the Dolomites. It was magical. God always has a plan. He will always create joy out of sadness. If you ask Him, listen to Him, and trust Him. Thank you God for this time with Joe and Jake. 

I have been so relaxed leading into this transfer, that I even let Joe pick a random date. I said babe, when do you wanna do this? And he said “whenever you want Allie. I am ready.” I said no no no no no. You pulled out on the last one, so YOU are picking the date on this one. He randomly said: “February 12th.” And I said, ok…Feb 12 it is!! Haha it was that easy not kidding. That is how we picked a date. There is no meaning behind it, besides it rolled off of Joe’s tongue. 

I set up my work schedule so I worked double time the week before, and double time the week after in order to have that date available. 

I want to take you back to some magical moments before transfer that assured me God was with me. 

Joe and I took Jake down to Florida and stayed in an AirBnB for a couple weeks, since I had to work in Miami for Unrivaled and my mom and dad were across the state in Naples for my dad’s birthday and Valentines day, and Joe could get out of the cold and golf and see his friends. Work assigned me to a Cleveland Cavaliers game, so I flew back home. The back story before I finish this, is I wear bracelets on my left wrist every single day. It is a bracelet stack, just like my Nana had before she passed. It reminds me of her. One is a gold chain link bracelet, one is Jake’s birthstone, one has as gold plate that says Jake on it that Joe got me as a mothers day gift, and one is a tiny chain with the letters MOM on it. Unfortunately, the MOM one had been missing for months. I never take any of these off, so it fell off at some point. I gave up on looking for it. Fast forward to when I went back home to Cleveland. When I woke up in my own bed the morning of the game, I bent over to stretch. When my hands hit the carpet, I felt something sharp. It was the MOM bracelet. Placed right in my hands by God. GOOSEBUMPS!!!

After the game, I flew back to Florida. The next day we drove across the state to Naples to see my mom and dad. When we checked into our room, it was room 141. For anyone who doesn’t know, 41 is our family’s lucky number. My cousin Blake passed away in his teenage years to leukemia and he is the reason we were all brought so closely back to God. He is with us every day always, and he reminds us with his number. 

There was never a moment that I didn’t know I was living THROUGH God. I was right where I needed to be. 

On Feb 11th, Joe and I flew into Houston. We met our great friends for dinner, had a bottle of wine, and went to bed at a good hour to get ready for the big day. I woke up excited. I grabbed a coffee, banana, and yogurt, then road the bike in the gym and lifted a little. Met Joe back in the room and we headed into the Doctor’s office. My bladder had to be full and it wasn’t quite full enough. I drank some more water and we waited another 15 min. Embryo transfers are INCREDIBLE because you dont go under any anesthesia. You are wide awake. No meds. Just full present. You can literally watch on the ultrasound the baby go in. It’s WILD. The embryo went in without a hitch!!! Thank you Jesus!! 

I flew to to San Fran, worked NBA All-Star weekend, and flew home late Sunday night. 

Next, I had to fly to Philly for work. Boston Celtics at 76ers. Everything was great flight wise. I got my blood drawn at a LabCorp in Philly for next day results to see if my HCG said pregnant. With Jake, my first draw read 157. I had a good day at work, and I got home around 10 pm Tuesday. 

Side note: once you miscarry once, you're never the same. Or at least I have never been the same. Every time, to this day, that I wipe, I look back at the toilet paper and pray it’s not blood. It had that big of an affect on me. So I get back to the room and use the restroom. I wipe, and look back like usual. And it’s red. FUCK. It was blood. I just took a deep breath and said “here we go.” I immediately send a picture to my doctor and to Joe. I said: “it either implanted or I miscarried.” I just sat there on the toilet and talked to God for 20 min. I told Him I trusted Him. I apologized for anything I had done to affect this. 

My Aunt Connie sent me a few scriptures and one really stood out to me. It is actually the only reason I was able to fall asleep. 

It said: “What is dark to mothers-the womb, our unborn children, what lies ahead-is light to him. Anxious about what we cannot see, we can adore the God who never stops seeing.”

WOW. 

She sent me another: Psalm 139 “You knit this baby together in my womb. I praise you for the fearful and wonderful works of pregnancy. You are making and weaving this little person together…We have not the power to form, to knit, to make, to weave. But our God does, and we have his ear.” 

HOW POWERFUL IS THAT. Let THAT sink in. 

At that point I released all of my doubt. How dare I not trust in even the fear of this. How dare I think that I am knitting and weaving this littler person together. THIS baby belongs to GOD. Amazing.

I am flying back home now. 

Before I boarded the flight, I got a text from my doctor saying 158!! PREGNANT!!!! And I took the test one day too early. So that number was a little higher than Jake even one day early. AMEN. The only thing she had my switch was my estrodial pills. I am taking three per day currently orally. She had my switch to vaginal insert because the numbers were a little low, and my body accepts the medicine significantly better when they are inserted vaginally. Too much information, but if it helps even one person, WORTH IT. Thank you Jesus. 

I will continue to tell my story here. Thank you for listening. And remember, you are never alone.